IN OTHER WORDS | How to Survive Costco with Kids

1. Feed them first. 

Now is not the time to worry about portion size or healthy options. Hello? You’re at Costco. This is about survival. Greasy pizza the size of their head? Check. Enormous nitrate-filled hot dog? Done. Mountain of frozen yogurt? Yes, please. Just get something in their pie holes before you shop. If they think they’re getting one over on you by eating junk, all the better. Let them have this little win.

2. Motor past those TVs. 

Unless you are a hypnotist, they will lock into those giant screens and pretty colors. Do not dawdle. Tell them you smell bacon.

3. Let them eat samples. 

If it wasn’t bacon, it will be some other smoked meat. Health schmealth. You are in the trenches. Keep their mouths full.

4. Stay strong. 

Do not, under any circumstances give in to the giant Twizzlers bucket, the six pounds of chocolate covered almonds or, for-the-love-of-all-that’s-holy, the triple-pack jars of Nutella. You and I both know who will be eating that crap.

5. If they’re old enough, leave them browsing in the kids’ book section.

Keep in mind, this strategy can backfire. You are not buying. If they have their own money, great. Otherwise, they are browsing. Mine are old enough to get this. When they were younger, I’d shove their little heads down when we passed the pretty book covers. What?

Someday, in a perfect world, Costco will bow to the mother. Picture this: A gated childproof enclosure, giant TVs tuned to mesmerizing cartoons and movies; buckets of Twizzlers and juiceboxes galore; devil-may-care 20-something care-takers sitting criss-cross applesauce. A Nirvana of childcare.

Across the warehouse, parents will roam the aisles sampling smoked meats, Greek yogurt smoothies and lobster bisque. Someday. Until then, dig in my friends. Follow these simple steps and grab your case of Huggies, three dozen eggs and 50 pound bag of dog food. Then get out, it ain’t over. When you get home, you still have to unpack the car.

 

Comments

  1. Ah, going to the supermarket is a real challenge whenever I bring the kids along. It’s always a circus! Thanks for the tips! 🙂

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  2. Great advice! I think this is good advice for husbands as well!

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  3. I remember those times I could fit both kids in the double seats in the front of the cart. And, yeah, I fed them Costco tasters. . . We also surived. 🙂 The busier they were, the less antsy they get in the cart. Times were easier for me then. Now they are 14 and 15. I am lucky if they go with me shopping and not sneak out of the house doing stupid stuff.

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  4. Ha! I slip up with the triple Nutella…. Every single time! Loved this, Jenny!

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  5. Hysterical,,,,and sadly, very true! Especially #4. This is why I wait until they are in school if I ever step foot inside a Costco or Sams.

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  6. HA! Nice to “meet” you! Found you through the Beyond Your Blog group. I am also a WTF contributor! This post is one of the main reasons why we are the last family in middle america who do NOT belong to Costco. I get all twitchy just thinking about bringing my 2 and 4 year old there!!

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    • Funny, when you can go by yourself, you’ll love it. I did a comedy routine about Costco, it’s pretty funny. You should check it out. http://wp.me/putWf-e4 it’s in the post I just linked here, it’s called Five Random Things about Me, it’s from earlier this month. Thanks for commenting. Looking forward to reading your posts!

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  7. Yes. ..for God sakes let them have the samples! For your sanity! The Doom hangs over me as I pull in the driveway and know that I still have to separate the shredded cheese and ground sirloin… and empty the 25 pound bag of flour.

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  8. I think I might actually be worse than Haydan is at Costco. I AM THE KID IN THIS SCENARIO!! LOL

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